help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
