u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize