She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
MIDGETS
????
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
