I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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