he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
