His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize