First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
