Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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