my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
