she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
