farters have to be the big spoon...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
