Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
