I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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