I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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