Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
