chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
