I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
