Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
