his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she peed on how many people?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
