I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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