My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
