Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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