I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
