It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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