I hate your face
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
