Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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