how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
