Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
