Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
