therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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