You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
