lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
