We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
