Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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