I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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