It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
