god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
