Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
