if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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