She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love you. Go after that dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
