Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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