I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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