We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
