I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
