you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
