I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
