I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
