is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
