i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
