That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
