She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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