found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
