shes about as inviting as chlamydia
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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