Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize