I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
