SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize