Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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