He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
