I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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