I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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