I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
