Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
MIDGETS
????
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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