I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
