Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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