It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
