that's an acceptable place to lick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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