I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
