So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
