i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Congratulations! We have a period
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