He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
