I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sext me about skeletons
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