Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
