How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
