It was confusing and full of hummus
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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