Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize