Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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