So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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