erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
