That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
