I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
