were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
