I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
