I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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