that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize