very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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