can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
