if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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