I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
