All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
