You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
