I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
