do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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