Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
