Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize