I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
