Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
