I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
