your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
