Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
