Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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